Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you were so invested in being right that you lost sight of what was truly important? Perhaps it was an argument with a partner or a dispute with a colleague. Whatever the case may be, it can be difficult to let go of the need to be right, especially when there is something at stake.
This morning, I had an experience that helped me to truly understand the importance of letting go of the need to be right. I had hired someone to do some work for me, and we had agreed that it would be completed within 24 hours. However, when the deadline came and went and 48 hours had passed by, I realized that the work had not been done. When I asked for a refund, the person refused, citing the contract that we had signed. While they were technically correct, I knew that I could dispute the charge with my credit card company and potentially get my money back.
Here’s where things get interesting. I also knew that the person I had hired was going through financial difficulties, and that it would be a burden on them to have to pay back over $300. There was something at stake, but it wasn’t just about the money. It was about my desire to be right, to win the dispute, and to prove that I was in the right.
I called a friend to talk about the situation, and she asked me a simple yet powerful question: “How do you want to feel?” At first, I was confused by her question. Wasn’t she telling me to let the situation go so that I could be free? But she clarified that she was simply asking me how I wanted to feel, knowing that I like to win and that the other person was struggling financially.
And then it hit me. What I really wanted was peace. I wanted to feel at peace with the situation, with the other person, and with myself. I realized that my desire to be right was not going to make me as happy as being at peace would. Maybe I could “win”, but would that make me happy?
Sometimes in relationships, we get caught up in being right and then we feel bad because we know that someone else got hurt in the process. Most times we are not aware of the disappointment in ourselves, and then we blame the wrong person.
This experience helped me to see how we can get caught up in trying to be understood, trying to get our partner to love us or do something for us. We can become so invested in being right that we lose sight of what is truly important: our own happiness and peace of mind.
There’s a quote that people often use when talking about relationships: “Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?” I think that this experience sheds new light onto that principle. For me, the goal is to be right within myself. It is the peace that I am looking for, and I believe that peace comes from doing what I believe is the right thing to do, regardless of whether or not I “win” the dispute.
In the end, I decided not to dispute the charge. Instead, I let it go and chose to focus on feeling at peace with the situation. And you know what? It worked. I felt a sense of relief wash over me, knowing that I had made the right decision for myself and for the other person.
So the next time you find yourself in a situation where you’re struggling to be understood or trying to get someone to do something for you, ask yourself: “How do I want to feel?” And remember, sometimes the best way to be happy is to let go of the need to be right and focus
