Couples Coaching: Navigating When They’re ‘Not Wired That Way’

Are you holding onto the belief that couples coaching or therapy just won’t cut it for you?

Maybe you’re stuck on the idea that your partner is simply ‘not wired that way.’ 

They seem distant from the need for connection or intimacy, and their assurances that ‘it’s just you’ leave you feeling isolated.

It’s true, your partner might be perfectly content because their intimacy needs are dialed differently. 

But here’s the twist…

claiming they’re ‘not wired for connection’ is a misconception. Every soul craves connection, albeit in varied volumes.

So, here’s the scoop: Couples work, be it therapy or coaching, absolutely has its merits. 

But it’s not a tool to morph your partner into someone else.

 It’s more about unlocking doors you didn’t realize were there. 

When one person steps up, shedding light on why their needs matter, it’s not uncommon to see their partner step in, ready to join the journey. 

We’ve noticed that articulating needs without a shadow of blame or demand can unchain possibilities, giving room for the other to choose freely.

But what happens when you feel like you’re dealing with a stubborn mule? 

Imagine this: a stubborn old donkey tied to your cart, you with a map in hand, ready to go. Yet, the more you tug and pull, the more the donkey plants its feet firmly in the ground. 

Offer it a carrot, and it snorts in disdain, knowing well it’s a ploy.

Just like the donkey, people aren’t fond of being strong-armed or tricked into action. 

They tend to push back, resist, or worse, retreat into obstinance. The lesson? People, much like our four-legged friend, prefer to move at their own pace, on their own terms.

Instead of a tug-of-war, what if you tried a different approach? 

A shared whisper, a patient stride, a transparent conversation about the path ahead might just be the nudge your donkey needs. 

It’s about crafting a space where empathy, understanding, and collaboration lead the way, guiding you both towards a journey you’re willing to take together.

So, when pondering the effectiveness of couples therapy or coaching, consider this: Are you trying to lead your donkey, or are you both ready to walk the path side by side?